December 7th, 2006
i have to be at work in exactly 7 hours and i'm not tired at all. also, i'm realizing that my entire life revolves around money, sleep, and caffeine. but mostly money. somebody please kidnap and rescue me, not necessarily in that order.
Current Location: not at all where i want to be
October 29th, 2006
|03:07 am - deceit and frivolity (is that a word?)|
you know it's a good 'how to' book when "how to outsmart pirates" and "how to deliver a baby" are right next to each other.
i feel like i should be more depressed but i don't think its really sunk in yet that in less than a year i'll be starting over. i still have no idea what i want to do with my life and i feel like everyone i know already has their 5-year plan in motion. i can't even make a 5-hour plan that goes right. i don't know what college i'm going to transfer to or where i'm going to live or what i'm going to do with my life. and it's weird that i have no sense of security but at least i know that. at least i'm not lying to myself. right?
October 24th, 2006
|01:42 am - "timmy wouldn't even touch his dinosaur"|
if you know what show that line is from, you are my hero.
mom: when you were little, i never left you alone with scissors, because i knew you would cut something you weren't supposed to.
me: yeah, that's why sean only has one nipple
sean: and it's right in the middle of my chest
dad: they were out of chicken at the store, so i bought ham
me: ah dad...i'm jewish
September 13th, 2006
|08:14 pm - yep.|
"you might like to wear cotton, you might like to wear silk
you might like to drink whiskey, you might like to drink milk
you might like to eat caviar, you might like to eat bread
you may like to be sleeping on the floor, or sleeping in a king-size bed
but you're gonna have to serve somebody. and it may be the devil or it might be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody"
that seemed more profound when it was in my head. today a 3-year-old tried to kill me. or at least scratch me to death. she obviously didn't succeed. i have to work at 6:30 am tomorrow, so i'm attempting to go to bed now. i probably won't get there, but at least i'll have tried.
things i've missed involving the best friend ever: friday nights, cotton candy gum, artsy movies that look good but turn out terrible (NOT movies with gay sex!), playing music, driving with my face (you know), etc.
don't let me think i hate you ever again.
Current Location: next to a bottle of erythromycin
Current Mood: cheery
April 7th, 2006
|10:07 am - A profile of my consciousness, for English 102|
A Profile of My Consciousness
I was put on this earth for a reason. Or so I’m told. I was born approximately eighteen years ago, and since then have seemed to cause an inordinate amount of trouble. My values and morals are constantly changing, being shaped by my peers no doubt, but lately have seemed to settle into a sort of “safe place.” Do I believe everything my parents tell me? Not usually, although I can be easily convinced. I am unclear about my purpose here. At times I think it’s merely to entertain others, whether that be through music or some hidden talent I may possess. Other times I wonder if I even have a purpose. I’m sure I do, I just have no idea how to find out what it is. I have always, and probably always will, value life. I believe abortion, assisted suicide, homicide, genocide, etc. are wrong. The repercussions of these are not up to me, and I don’t want them to be. Frankly, I could care less about the consequences; I simply believe it’s wrong to take any kind of life. I also value honesty. Not that I’m always honest; my claiming that would prove the exact opposite. Nevertheless, I believe all relationships need to be built on a foundation of honesty to survive long-term. My goals are somewhat sketchy. I want to help people, as cliché as it sounds. I expect everyone at one time or another has wanted to lend a hand to someone else, and I suppose that the wanting-to-please-people side of me has sent me in that same direction. I have no idea what kinds of things I will accomplish by trying to help people, but I believe in my own abilities, and pray that the things I do will be worth something to someone eventually. I have no other immediate goals, other than to accomplish something with my life.
My attitude towards the world is that I don’t really understand it. I don’t understand why it’s here, although I believe I know how it came to be. I sometimes wonder if the creation of earth was an experiment put on by a higher Being to see how long humans could survive without too much help. If so, I’d say it’s doing pretty well. When I really think about it, earth seems like a checkpoint of sorts, a place for people to stay before the next step of their life, or afterlife, as the case may be. I am motivated by the fact that I hate to disappoint. The worst thing in the world to me is to look into somebody’s eyes and know that I’ve done something unforgivable to them. I act as though I don’t care about much, but I’m all about pleasing others. It takes a while for people to find this out about me, so I’m often able to come off as a sort of “rebel without a cause.” Sadly, I’m more vulnerable than one might think. I like to think of myself as a wounded soul wandering aimlessly through life until death takes me home. Realistically, however, I’m just another person with questionable sanity, a humorous disposition, an occasional lucky streak, and a soft spot for those less fortunate than myself.
Current Mood: waiting for my next class
January 27th, 2006
|11:29 pm - i'm done|
i was just realizing that
a) i haven't been on livejournal in a month, or so
b) i haven't missed anything/i don't care about anything anyone has written-no offense meant, or maybe there is?
c) i could have a better life if i tried
d) i don't feel like trying
in english 102 we have to write about a million papers. i feel like saying i'm taking a hiatus from lj, but then i feel like at the same time that would be another commitment. so who knows? and who cares? i don't miss anything from my past, as sad as it sounds. and i don't regret anything i've done. i keep repeating that over and over in my head as though i'm willing it to be true. but it's true. it's true.
on a different subject, i cannot love you and i don't know that i ever did. i don't miss you. i don't even really wish the best for you, even though i know i should. there's a part of me that wishes i had made you up, but unfortunately i didn't. if i could erase memories, just know that i would. just know that.
December 28th, 2005
i got 5 new shirts from goodwill/value village yesterday that are quite glorious, i do believe. i keep telling people i'll do things with them or call them and then completely bail. it's like i just don't want to be social. and it's slightly depressing, actually. i'm supposed to go to a december 'reunion' of my graduating class and i guess i will. but i feel like it would be more fun to face a firing squad. i'm pretty excited about telling them i moved back to yakima. yeah. i'm realizing that my purpose in life is to disappoint. and i am pretty damn good at it. on a side note, the thing i've wanted to be for forever no longer seems completely pleasing, or in any way fun. i have no idea what i want to do with my life. and it's kind of frightening. but we'll see. we will see.
December 20th, 2005
|11:39 pm - one day, i decided to knit a scarf|
seriously, it is ridiculous that christmas is so close. i wish my house had more cheese.
best thing i heard all day:
commercial on tv: "do you know what happened to you that night underwater."
my mother: "yeah, i was raped by a weasel."
how does she even think of these things?
other good conversation:
me: so, have you seen [people from our graduating class]?
schmidt: yeah, it was weird though. i thought they would look older. or at least more skanky.
Current Mood: hungry
December 16th, 2005
|05:17 pm - i heart candy cane milkshakes|
oh yeah. the last how ever many days have made me confident in the fact that i will begin to appreciate this town. hanging out with radass and sammy has been good. sam, if you read this anytime soon, we are canceling breakfast tomorrow because of a funeral alex has to do sound for; but actually we are just rescheduling. i guess i could call and tell you but this seems so much easier. i'll call you with the new time when i know.
i'm excited for bunco. plus seeing everyone at christmas. i was thinking about the 10-year reunion because it's so close. ha ha. seriously though, in only 9 1/2 years, i better have a better job that at least half my classmates. not that i'm shallow, i just feel like that's the way it should be. yeah.
Current Mood: in heart (not love)
December 9th, 2005
i'm stealing alex's 'year in review' idea just because i thought it was pretty darn awesome. plus, as i told him, i'm running out of things to post.
so...drum roll...my year 2005 in review:
at the dinner table:
me: mom, if your day could be any kind of pony, what kind would it be? princess pony, pretty pony, pink pony, or balloon party pony?
mom: pink pony
me: ooh good answer. mine would be balloon party pony.
mom: oh so you had a good day?
me: not especially
with a fever of 102, i guess its safe to say that i am sick. plus i feel like hell.
I had some neat carebear fruit snacks today, and also some shaped like sharks. but not in the same package because that could have been disastrous for bedtime bear and funshine bear and grumpy bear and cheer bear and etc. because those sharks would have eaten them right up without even thinking about it.
me: i'm going to jump for joy
kristen: right off of a cliff
i manage to fuck everything up
-got a tv that is pretty darn kickass
today i decided that if i could be 12 again, i would be. i miss not worrying about what other people think. i miss not needing money.
i have a sunburn covering only the top of me. not the top half of me....it's like...imagine laying on a chair in the sun for a long time and not bothering to turn over.
and the minions of hell try to eat me. and i let them. almost.
well the good news is that i literally almost jumped off the balcony of our apartment yesterday. twice.
the 1st part of this post is specifically for kristen cole and she better fricking read it.
"why don't you do me a favor and drop that knife"
right now i'm watching superstar with my cousins, or actually only one of them because the others are asleep. and it is pretty darn weird to see will ferrell as jesus.
so i'd say it was a good year, only because the first lines of each month are only depressing about three times. woo.
new topic: today i went to yvcc to register for winter quarter, and my dad had the following conversation:
dad: well, have a merry Christmas.
guy: you would say merry christmas to someone of the jewish faith?
dad: oh...well...uh...(tries to salvage himself)
guy: isn't christmas the day Jesus was born?
guy: well we don't believe Jesus was God's son, so why would we celebrate that?
dad: oh, but you do believe he was born then? (gets this 'oh i'm so going to win' face)
dad: yeah, dig yourself out now, because you just said he was born.
finally i decide this has gone on long enough, wish the guy a happy hanukkah or whatever and drag my father away.
Current Mood: none. i'm hungry.